Body Image and Self Love--

We always had an open door policy at our house when our own three kids were younger. No one stressed over who saw what as people moved from shower to their rooms to dress. We were a little family unit and naked bodies were a regular feature of the household. Perhaps this came from my own growing up years in a house with seven people and one bathroom. That said, as our children have grown so too has their need for privacy.

Nevertheless, recently my youngest daughter saw me get changed out of my night clothes. Glancing at me she innocently asked "Will I look like that someday?"

An innocent query for sure but one which instantly provoked body anxiety in me. 

"Well, possibly" I stammered, unsure of whether she was gazing at my sagging bosoms in awe or horror. The surety of the seemingly endless delightful hours of my life I had given to breastfeeding faltered.

"If you end up having three kids and you breastfeed each of them for two years then by the time you're my age they might look like this." I responded meekly trying to cover my bases.

I tried  my best to sound loving and confident in  my response to her, but inside I was reeling with mixed emotions.

I was only twenty six years old when I began breastfeeding my first child and it's been over seven years since I stopped breastfeeding our youngest.  I am currently forty-one years of age... there has been a lot of water under the bridge since my breasts were still youthful and perky. Undoubtedly I gave to a good cause, I remind myself. My breasts, as they currently perch upon my chest deserve to sit a little lower and lean a little further to the sides. Don't they? And shouldn't the fact that they served such a lofty purpose as nourishing my very offspring warrant them continued adoration? Why then should I have paused, even for a moment, feeling inadequate in my own skin?

This was not the first time in recent weeks that I've been confronted with conflicting feelings about my body image. Ever the social critic, I have been challenging my own conformity to society's norms regarding how women should look in order to be considered attractive. Much of what we bow to is outdated and unhealthy for our bodies, minds and souls. Not to mention the devastating toll the beauty industry has on the environment. 

Many, many years ago I gave up on nail polish, and beauty/ body care products that were not naturally sourced. But I still find myself feeling shameful and apologizing profusely if someone catches a glimpse of me and my legs or armpits are not cleanly shaven. I do so in much the same way that I used to apologize and feel badly back in the day if my fingernail polish was chipped or in need of attention. Seriously!?! I don't want my daughters to grow up feeling less than worthy based on such ridiculous notions as the ones I had been harbouring.

I say this, yet recently when heading out to drop my youngest off at dance lessons I decided to roll up my pant legs to help cool down on a warmer than expected mid October afternoon, but soon found myself thinking  in horror:

"What will all the other mothers at dance think of me and my daughter if I sit with my unruly leg hairs peaking out from beneath my jean cuffs? As homeschoolers we are already considered alternative."

And then:

Arrgh!?! Do I really care what other mothers think of me? Besides, who'll be looking and why do we shave our legs anyhow?

I later ran this by my oldest daughter, now in her mid teens. I casually said that I thought I would give up shaving for a while. I gave her a run down of the environmental costs of hot water, razors and shaving lotions and I went on to tell her how ridiculous I thought it was that women are slaves to such ideas.

Despite her being very thoughtful and progressive for her age, she instantly freaked on me groaning:

"Please mom don't stop shaving. Anything but that!"

I calmly asked her why the idea bothered her so much and her reply was that shaving is an important part of personal hygiene. 

" Personal hygiene?" I wondered aloud.

When I asked her if she thinks men are less clean because they don't shave their arm pits she didn't have a reply. Just walked away with a frightened, albeit thoughtful look on her face.

I know too well that my refusal to paint my nails, dye my hair and shave my body hair won't save the world. But each time we challenge an accepted norm it increases our ability to question the status quo. 

And besides, I read this fall that calf hair is in style. So I am currently "en vogue" with my hairy calves. Unless, as a quick second glance at the article led me to believe, it was baby cow hair accessories that the article I read was referring to (insert gasp and look of horror here).  Alas. I will just have to love myself for how I am in the world, not what I look like. Drooping breasts and hairy calves included.

Jill MacCormack

Cosmetic Pesticides on PEI--The Power of our Choices

What if we sought our perfection where it truly lies-- in life, as it unfolds around us?


A lot of thoughtful and concerned people on PEI  are working hard to bring about a potential ban on the spraying of cosmetic pesticides in our municipalities and province as a whole. A ban would help reduce our exposure to harmful chemicals and everyone would in turn benefit from the reduction. I am thankful that this movement is afoot and hope it will spill over into a reduction of agricultural sprays as well. 

That said, I find myself interested in the underlying reasons people who choose to spray their properties do so in the first place. It isn't to supposedly increase  crop yields as with conventional agriculture, so there must be something else driving the desire to apply pesticides cosmetically.

 Perhaps the application of cosmetic pesticides is about trying to create the image of a "perfect" lawn.  Yet to me, the white picket fence and pristine (lifeless) turf-like lawn is a relic of the fifties. Back then people didn't know better and were desperately concerned about images. Now we do know better, or at least we should know better. Myself included. Cosmetic pesticides are completely unnecessary and are known to be harmful to our environment, but so are many of the other products which we choose to purchase and utilize in our lives. So why do we continue to make choices that are harmful to the natural environment?  Is it because of a deep seated need to be seen as acceptable to others?

If, after all, we are in the business of purchasing products to create and uphold certain images, we must be doing so because we are not happy with ourselves, our lives, or our lawns in their natural state. Perhaps we would do well to have an education campaign that helps people come to know their own inherent worthiness as  human beings. Just think about it for a minute-- so much of what we do is deeply rooted in our need for acceptance.

What if we were raised with the belief that we are more than good enough and worthy of the love and respect of others. And not because we do or do not have the "perfect" lawn,  look a certain way, drive a particular vehicle, or buy products and clothing from certain stores. What if love and respect were your birthright--and you knew it in your heart from the beginning?

What if from the very beginning our children truly knew that their own worthiness in our uber- competitive culture is not rooted in their ability to compete? What if we created a culture in which it didn't matter how children look or what they are good at or what jobs their parents do or don't have or whether their lawns are covered with a thick carpet of dandelions come June. 

My own yard is one example. Despite my husband working in the golf industry, we do not have a lawn that has been sprayed and manicured. Dandelions are a welcome sign of spring to us. We love nature and we love to see the fragrant creeping thyme and the clover that crops up each summer. We celebrate the mushrooms that pop up under the trees.  We are glad for the birds that nest in our trees. We want bees and butterflies to visit our front veggie and flower plot and we want those insects to be well after they have visited our yard. Just as we want passerby's and visitor's alike with dogs and children to be able use or walk past our yard without cosmetic pesticide concerns. Having a bio-diverse yard is important to us. Having a bio-diverse world is important to us as well.

Despite what some antiquated notions tell us, we don't need homes with golf like conditions in our front yard. Leave that to the golf courses and ball fields, need be. My husband works in the golf industry and on a daily basis is trying to naturalize the course. The biggest challenge he faces is educating the people who play golf to have reasonable expectations of the golf course. The game of golf is not the problem per se, rather it is golfer's unrealistic expectations of turf conditions that needs updating. Same goes for our perceptions and judgements of ourselves and others. Bodies and lawns included.

 Endlessly trying to fit ourselves and our properties into unnatural states is costly, requires a lot of maintenance, is hard on the environment and is largely ineffective in the end. Dandelions pop up, gray roots peak out, paint peels off our homes and our bodies change and age. There is nothing wrong with trying to keep ourselves and our properties looking nice and working well.   But it may be helpful to remember that it is the very wildness of life that we are trying to manage. 
 
Although the world is filled to the brim with an amazing array of life forms, we humans are the only species whose choices and lifestyles are seriously impacting all other species and the planet as a whole. Which is precisely why those of us who have the power to choose need to take greater responsibility for our lifestyle choices. We need to use our consumer power as wisely as possible. It is far too easy to disconnect ourselves from the consequences our choices make on the natural world. If there are problems with our air, water and soil it is because we have created those problems either implicitly or explicitly through our choices.  

Now take a minute or two and imagine what it would be like if clean air, living soil and clean waters were our birthright as well. What if we lived lives that demonstrated our respect for these resources and the life they offer us?

We can choose to live differently and demand that activities which are detrimental to our environment not be allowed to continue. Banning cosmetic pesticides is a step in the right direction. But remember that whether we live in a zero impact, completely self- sustaining eco-village of self healers, or in a neighborhood that demands that all lawns be weed (wildflower) free, we need to recognize that the choices we make impact more than just ourselves. They directly impact others and the environment as a whole. 

The power to make the world a healthier place rests in your hands. What kind of a world do you want for yourself and for future generations? Is the lifestyle and  image you are working so hard to maintain worth it?

When we purchase and consume products of any sort it impacts our environment. Our mere existence causes an effect on our surroundings. Educating ourselves and choosing to live lifestyles that are as gentle on the natural world as possible is something we should all take personal responsibility for. After all, we are utterly dependent on clean air, water and healthful soil for our survival. 

Jill MacCormack

Creativity Project 2014 -- Art in the Open -- Thank You!!

As I write this it is a preternaturally warm mid October day. I've just come in from our garage after cleaning up the aftermath of the Creativity Project's 2014 Art in the Open incarnation. I say aftermath because, following the uber- intense week of final preparations, the 24 hrs of installation, interaction and tear down, what lands in our garage is not a pretty sight. Nor am I.

The wondrous high I feel immediately following a successful exhibit is chased down and swallowed whole by an exhaustion from which it takes several weeks for me to emerge. Perhaps we are fools for art, but our love of the open air festival, the fantastic way people engage with ours and other exhibits, fuels our volunteer efforts.

Digging through the mounds of tent fabrics today, folding up lighting and cords, re-reading some of the poetry, carefully packing away the purposefully shattered mirrors, all conspire to transport me back to that electric late August night. An invisible energy re-ignites within.

What I hold and fold, mere shells of what once was, carries with it a wonderful sense of ghostliness for me. Despite the concrete evidence it all represents, it still feels as though our work was just an apparition spirited for that one magical evening. As an ephemeral work of visual art installed for eight hours of public engagement, perhaps that is the project's truest form: apparition. Something magnificent which emerges from our depths through collaboration: emails, phone calls, over hot teas on hotter evenings, in the silence of our busy minds in bed before the encumbrance of sleep. It then takes shape in the dark cave of my garage, my sister's living room and deck, my side yard and my parents garage as well.  Yet we all know it breathes deepest and smiles widest those short hours during Art in the Open while the curious public pokes around, inquires, inhales, exhales in quiet and in laughter both.


Creativity Project AIO 2014 Incarnation--

Our cocoon tent and origami butterfly mobiles require a tree branch and open air to truly come alive, need willing bodies to slide in beneath the fragile forms, lie down, be vulnerable. The world is truly a beautiful place!  

The shattered mirrors need faces peering in, amazed, distorted by the simple concept. Who am I now? And if so, then who are you?  

The poetry requires avid eyes, hearts and minds willing to pull back a sheer curtain panel, peek in and choose to enter our tent and read. Enthralled.  Engaged. The veil is lifted. 

The blackout poetry tent with its fabric rainbow smiling down on those brave souls who risk entering the strange and happy, tiny room we silently invite them into. What purpose does it serve without its book pages torn and altered, from which new meanings creep through a series of omissions. 

The transformachine simply can't transform you unless you are a willing participant in the transformation process. In the dank and creaking barn this day its crank sits still, its lights are darkened without someone eager to step up, take part, transform the world. Why not you?

Truly then, what is an Art in the Open installation without its public audience? It is simply all for naught, a sad, forgotten pile in an artist's garage. A folded in upon itself series of whimsically stitched tents waiting for a reminder of their raison d'etre. But this is not entirely true, for its existence was as much the frustrations and delights in the process of its creation, as the wonder of the final product.

And remembrances dance vivid in the minds and hearts of the creators and for those who were engaged by it. 

Sincere thanks to all who worked so hard to make Art in the Open become real once again this year. Warmest gratitude to our small but dedicated team who helped create, install, run and tear down the Creativity Project's 2014 AIO incarnation. A great big thank you to Becka Viau and this town is small for inviting us to take part again  this year. Your support has been immeasurable!! A warm hug to Paul and Arlene McGuigan (our mom and dad) for their loving support, problem solving and helping hands. To our brother Finn for his help with the transformachine-we owe you and Kristy babysitting. And to guest contributor John MacKenzie a big shrug of a hug. After experiencing the madness of last year you joined us once again, by choice-- who knows why? But thanks an absolute million for being there with your willingness, balance and the brilliance of your gift. To my husband Paul, you are the very best there is!! To our kids and nieces and nephews--wow!! Folding origami butterflies is fun!! To Steve Love, you were an amazing volunteer, solid as the day was long. We could not have done it without you!! To Jamieson, for making the world a better place just by being born mid August. 
And to reiterate- to the public, thanks for your participation. It would be nothing without you!!
In sincere gratitude,
Jill MacCormack 
on behalf of the Creativity Project collaborators

living the dream--to love this teeming world

living the dream

i do not want for much 
amidst the harshness of my plenty
and yet my wants have grown as such
into a seething scream that hoarsely
wakes me up at night 

with nothing ever as it seems
our living has become
a Malthusian dream-
perhaps greater than their sum  
as addends our sleeping lives

make bids for our attention
the silence of inaction in stereo
blasts mindless indecisions-
the best case scenarios
in idealism trump reality

the dream goes like this: 

i  am swimming in a pool  
of my own tears 
the salt of which 
is drying out my tongue
i try to scream 
"i know, i can"
but my voice is weak
my pulse is faint--
lucidly i tell myself 
it's going to be okay
i will
live my way 
into a different life
in which i'm wise and brave enough
to know, to speak, to act, 
to love this teeming world, right now--
but then i fully wake in my warm bed, 
my sweet smelling sheets betraying much.

http://www.popsci.com/science/article/2012-04/new-research-tracks-40-year-old-prediction-world-economy-will-collapse-2030

UN Messenger for Peace Addresses UN Climate Summit

I am not often given to watching Hollywood actors make pleas for our attention, but this, I believe, is a worthy watch. Leonardo DiCaprio, newly appointed UN Messenger of Peace, marched with 400,000 concerned citizens in New York city on Sunday then addressed world leaders at the UN Climate Summit. His speech was concise and pointed. It is time to move climate change out of the realm of fiction in our collective psyche's and treat it as the urgent scientific reality that it is.

Please watch and share. It will only take 4 mins of your time.

Leonardo DiCaprio Addresses UN Climate Summit

Sincerely,
Jill

Happy International Day of Peace and Global Day of Action on Climate Change 2014

Each year on the International Day of Peace I post my Wish for Peace. This year I am meditating with a special emphasis on Peaceful global demonstrations for Climate Change Awareness. As well, I am asking for our governments to open their hearts and understand the urgent need for action on climate change and carbon emissions. Too many are suffering the consequences of our inaction.  I am heartened by the knowledge that we can change our world by changing how we live our lives. Transformation is possible in each new moment!
May love, peace and climate justice prevail!


Wish for Peace
On this most glorious late summer day, which is also the International Day of Peace, I am writing to you with a wish for peace.
I wish for peace for all of you, for all of us, and for our world with all its brilliant beings.
I wish for peace for the air we breathe, for a reprieve from pollutants that dog it every day.
I wish for peace for the soil we tread, for wise and gentle hearts and hands to preserve the land which lends us food and beauty.
I wish for peace for the waters of our Earth, that they may be free from man-made contaminants, and revered for the life they offer us.
I wish for peace for our creatures, that they may be treated with loving respect, and granted the dignity they deserve.
I wish for courage for all to take a stand that speaks for life in all its varied and unspoken forms.
My wish for peace includes a great desire for respect: for all that we have to offer each other in our hearts, and for the courage to willingly share that openness.
I wish for the ability to be present to the silence within and open to that presence within others.
I wish for recognition for all. For everyone to be lovingly revered for the simple fact they exist.
I wish for all to have a sense of spaciousness in their lives surrounding issues or challenges they may face.
I wish for an elevation of awareness about the ways in which we are unsuspecting oppressors towards ourselves and others in our daily lives.
I wish for freedom from the ideas which control us and constrict our souls from a true experience of wonder and love.
I wish for voice for all who have had their voice taken away.
I wish for joy for those whose hearts are filled with hatred.
I wish for peace for those whose hearts are filled with fear.
I wish that we would look at ourselves and others with eyes of love.
I wish for all the experience of a heart soaring with delight at the hopeful possibility each moment offers us.
I wish for bravery for all to break the barriers that separate us from each other.
I wish for courage for all to remove those walls that tell us peace is not possible.
I wish to meet you all on the road that leads to peace between my heart and yours:

freed from judgments
freed from competition
freed from comparisons
freed from the burdens of regret
freed from the need to be right
freed from a sense of lack…Freed.

As we are emptied, so too shall we be filled;
Filled with a grateful heart, I will know you when we meet upon our journey.
I will feel the abundance that you carry within you.
Our footsteps will echo with receptivity despite the many miles that may lie between us.
Peace sweet world…begins within.
Much peace to you as you journey…The Creativity Project

Old Habits Die Hard

It's far too easy in this at times wretched world 
to forget how truly wondrous the world can be.
Too easy to be hard on ourselves, comparing ourselves
with others, judging harshly, criticizing.

Looking on the world with eyes of love requires of us
to firstly look upon ourselves with eyes of love,
and all of this demands the vulnerability of an open heart.

I realize that I often demand too much of myself and others as well. Being a forty one year old idealist is far from ideal at times.
It makes me harken back to the first poem I ever wrote when I was eight years old. My teacher at the time read it to the class. It was called Some People and it went like this:

Some people are old,
some people are young,
some people are mean
and stick out their tongue.

Some people are nice
like you and me,
but if you aren't 
please try to be.

I  desperately still want the world to be a more loving and compassionate place although I know that it is difficult  at times to harden not your heart. (Hebrews) I honestly believe  that remembering to LOVE one another even when it is difficult, is the only true way to keep our hearts soft. Besides, who couldn't use a caring gesture and a little extra love? I guess old habits die hard.



Jill MacCormack